


See How Deep the Bullet Lies

by indevan



Series: Running Up That Hill [1]
Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Comfort, Coming Out, F/M, Friendship, Gay Character, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Time Travel, bi character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-03-02 03:52:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13309833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indevan/pseuds/indevan
Summary: Over everything else, he thought that he might sleep better





	See How Deep the Bullet Lies

**Author's Note:**

> this fic includes my headcanon (that super and it's weird devotion to this plot point can pry from my cold, dead fingers) that future mai is the child of mai and launch so that gets mentioned in here. like literally everything i write, this is super self-indulgent but that's just how it is sometimes

Over everything else, he thought that he might sleep better.

Trunks stared at the ceiling, watching it come in and out of focus in the darkness of his bedroom.  It reminded him of his childhood and the static of the radio reporting the androids’ destruction that he heard in his head long after he went to sleep.

He never slept well.  Even after he rid his timeline of the androids and Cell, he never got a good night’s sleep.  Nightmares plagued him at every turn: memories weaving in and out of his own fears.  Into his adulthood, his mother would sit with him and comfort him, but she was gone, too.

New nightmares.

He knew that it wouldn’t be that simple but he wasn’t even in his own universe so he thought it might be alright.  Maybe that was it, too.  There was another him in this universe, one he could potentially bump into on the street.  He and Mai had agreed not to interact with their counterparts here, which was for the best.  Trunks had caused enough trouble by messing with things he shouldn’t be messing with.  They knew they existed, but that was all.

Trunks rolled onto his stomach and balled his pillow up under his head.  He thought it would be easier but nothing ever was, was it?  Or maybe he didn’t want it to be, which was why he helped out that Time Patrol to help atone for what he had done.

There was a slight exhale from the other occupant of the bed, which brought Trunks to his other problem.  He thought this would be easier, too.  He and Mai could be together, be peaceful, be happy.  That was his fault, too.  Whenever they tried to initiate anything, his body wouldn’t respond.  He would try but, eventually, the effort wasn’t worth the potential reward and they gave up.  That wasn’t how it was supposed to be, was it?  They were in their happily ever after, weren’t they?

Trunks got out of bed as quietly as he could.  He needed to talk to someone, but who was there?  The counterparts of his loved ones in this universe  _ weren’t _ his loved ones.  Not really.  They didn’t know him--they knew the Trunks here.  He needed to talk to someone who knew him and he knew that, by doing so, he was going to piss off the Supreme Kai of Time.

He walked to his closet and grabbed his time patrol jacket.  He tugged it on over his pajamas and knelt down to the safe that squatted beneath it.  The scroll was inside, ready for use.  It was his “gift,” even though he was told to only use it in emergencies.  The history of the “main” timeline.  The one he had helped to save.  He held it in his hand and felt the energy through the bare skin of his palm.  It tingled, which was why he wore gloves whenever he did missions.  This wasn’t a mission, though, and he was still mostly in his pajamas anyway.

He needed to talk to someone, and he didn’t want to worry Mai.  He already messed up enough with how he was unable to perform in the bedroom--who was he to weigh her down with his fears and insecurities?

This was selfish, but he didn’t know what else to do.  Trunks closed his eyes and let himself be swept away.

He opened his eyes to find himself in someone’s backyard.  He thought it would take him immediately to Capsule Corps but time was, quite obviously, temperamental.  Trunks sat up and dusted himself off.  It was still strange traveling without his mother’s machine.  It filled him with an unnamable ache he couldn’t attribute to sadness or grief, but some combination of the two and more.

“Huh?”

The sound came from a little boy who was two, maybe three?  He couldn’t judge ages of children, but despite his size, he was stable on his legs so he couldn’t be that young.  What struck him more was that he looked exactly like Goku.  Or how he looked as a toddler, more than likely.  He had the same face, the same hair.  This wasn’t Goku, though, he knew.  Maybe it was Goten?  Did he go too far into the past?  Even if he did, he was truly seeking out his mother, not his counterpart, so it didn’t really matter.

“We’re going.  C’mon!”

Trunks whipped his head around at the call of another child’s voice.  A little girl of perhaps four stood in front of him.  Purple hair was pulled back from her face in a colorful scrunchie and she wore a similarly bright, pretty dress.  Trunks stared at her face, recognizing his own features in it.  This was his daughter?  The other Trunks, the one who had been a child, was now grown up with a child?  He clearly didn’t have a problem in the bedroom, then, did he?  It made him feel...jealous?  Maybe.  It was the same, strange feeling he got when he saw the life he had given to his counterpart.  Two parents, a peaceful world...what was that like?

He shook his head.  It wasn’t the time.

That meant that this child had to  _ be _ Goten’s.  He smiled, despite it.  He had liked him when he had seen him--he was a sweet kid--so it was nice that they were still friends, that their children were still friends.

“But…” the little Goten pointed at him and frowned.

The girl got closer and tilted her head to the side.

“Daddy,” she said in a voice that was squeakier but somehow had the same inflection that belonged to his counterpart here. “What are you wearing?”

“Uh.”

“Bustle, did you get him?”

He was saved by the arrival of his counterpart.  He stood up and stared at him for a moment and it was disconcerting, to say the least.  The last time he had seen him, he was little more than a child.  Looking at him now was looking into a slightly warped mirror.  They were nearly identical but there were key differences.  This Trunks didn’t have perpetual under eye circles and he held himself straighter, taller.  They were still the same height, though, he figured.  This one also boasted strange scars but only on the right side of his body.  There was a slight mark here or there on his left but he could see several impressive ones all located on the right.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, irritated.

“I.  Needed to talk to someone.”

It sounded pathetic when he said it out loud and he watched the other Trunks’s eyes squint as if he were trying to figure him out.

“So you traveled here?”

“I can do that now.  I’m in the Time Patrol.”

It was a small lie.  He was  _ able _ to do it, but if he were truly allowed was another matter.

“So you want to come to the party, then?” He seemed to be choosing his words deliberately and he couldn’t help but wonder if the years had tamed his loud mouth.

“The what?”

He sighed, clearly annoyed. “The party.  At Capsule Corps.  We’re on our way there now.”

Trunks wanted to, then, more than anything.  He wanted to see everyone happy.  He didn’t even care if he was still wearing his coat over pajamas.

“I want to go.”

For the first time, he saw a slight smile appear on his counterpart’s face.

“Of course.  And you’re in luck.  It’s just me for now so you don’t have to sit in the back.”

He turned to the two kids and, with ease, lifted them both into their arms.

“Where’s Goten?” he asked, his eyes on the little boy.

“Meeting us there.  He had to go to work this morning for a bit.”

It was nice, he thought, that the other Trunks was taking his kid there for him.  He followed him around to the front of the house, all the while watching his left hand where he saw a simple silver band.  Of course he was married.  Things were easy for him, they always were.  He swallowed his resentment--that wasn’t fair to him.  He had made  _ sure _ this version of him had a happy life.  He had no reason to mad that he did.

“What’s he do?”

“Who?”

Trunks placed the kids down in front of a speeder and started fussing with getting it unlocked.

“Goten.”

“Oh.  He’s an ER nurse.  Weird hours.”

“What do you do?”

“I work at Capsule Corps.  Or, I did.  For now, I’m a house husband ‘til Bustle, at least, goes to school.”

It sounded so idyllic.  Trunks didn’t ask him where his wife was.  He both wanted and didn’t want it to be Mai.  On one hand, she deserved to be happy in one universe with someone who could fulfill her needs, but on the other hand, he knew it would only serve to make himself feel worse.

“You sure you don’t want to change before we go?” he asked. “You look like an even bigger loser than usual.”

The little girl giggled and Trunks saw that time  _ didn’t _ fully temper his counterpart’s tongue.

\--

Capsule Corps was crowded.  He thought of the scroll in his pocket and wondered if whatever time forces or gods were out there didn’t send him here on this day on purpose.  As thanks for whatever he had done.  Maybe.

He was dressed in his counterpart’s clothes--though he still kept his coat--and followed him and the children to the expansive grounds.  The other Trunks set the children down.

“Go play.”

The little girl, Bustle apparently, grabbed the younger boy’s hand and ran off towards a throng of children.  Trunks watched them and was caught off-guard when he saw one who strongly resembled his father.  The group of kids seemed to be terrorizing two teenage girls, and he saw that one of them looked like his mother.  The other had short, black hair and kept loudly threatening the group of kids.

“Finally!” the boy who looked like his father said, irritation laced in his words. “We needed reinforcements, like, fifty hours ago!”

“That’s Boxer.”

He turned to see the other Trunks smirking at him.

“Boxer?”

“My little brother.  The girl with the blue hair is my sister, Bra.”

This Trunks wasn’t an only child.  He waited for jealousy, resentment, but it didn’t come.  Instead, it gave him a warm feeling through his whole body.  His parents were whole and happy and, apparently, still having kids.

“What did you want to talk about?” he asked.

“What?”

“Why you came here.”

Right.

Trunks closed his eyes, feeling tired.  No surprise, considering how little sleep he got.

“I need to sort myself out.”

“Well, here we are.”

It felt weird, to be standing next to him, having seen him now in three stages of his life.  He wondered if he could help, if he could even understand.

“Oh, Kami, they’ve multiplied!” the dark-haired girl yelled. “Bra, fall back.”

Giggling incessantly, the two of them flew off further down the lawn.  Trunks smiled at their game and then turned back to his counterpart.

“Look--”

“Trunks!”

He barely had a chance to prepare himself before his mother threw herself against him in a hug.  His troubles momentarily left him as he hugged her back.  He had missed her, missed every version of his mother.

“You’re here!” she said excitedly. “Just in time!”

His father stood a little ways behind her, his armed crossed and a slight smirk on his face.  He seemed different, though, better.  He obviously didn’t look any different.  HIs mother, though, looked a bit older but not as old as he thought she ought to.  He would never say that, though, unless he wanted to die.

“He’s visiting,” the other Trunks said. “I found him in my backyard.”

“I’m so glad!” His mom squeezed him tightly and held her back.

“Hello, son.”

“Father.” He smiled at him.

He couldn’t believe how much he missed them both.

“Has he met the kids?” his mother asked.

She finally relented in her hold on him.  Trunks wondered if she met Bra and Boxer or Bustle.  The other Trunks nodded.

“Yeah.  He came for advice, though, and  _ just so happened _ to come in time for the party.”

He elbowed him and then grinned and he felt--included.  He was a part of the family in a weird way.  He knew better than to think he could stay here but it felt nice.

“Daddy!”

Bustle and the little Goten--whose name he had yet to catch--tore away from the group of children and sprinted across the lawn.  Trunks quirked a brow since they weren’t running towards his counterpart but, instead, towards the main housing building.  Trunks followed their trek with his eyes until they reached a man who had just entered the backyard.  He had to be Goten and--wow.  He was handsome.  Trunks stared at him for a moment in awe.  He looked like Goku and he looked like Gohan, but not quite.  There was something to him that was all his own.

The two kids reached him and Bustle tugged on the hem of his t-shirt.

“Daddy, can you lift us both?”

_ Daddy? _

Goten laughed. “Can I lift you both?”

He bent down and scooped both her and the little boy up into his arms and then, somehow, managed to balance them both on his biceps.

“Daddy so strong!” the little Goten chirped.

Next to him, his counterpart rolled his eyes but was unable to hide his smile.

“He’s not normally late,” his mother said. “Is he finally  _ really  _ taking after Goku?”

The other Trunks shook his head. “No.  He got called in for a couple hours today.”

He stared at the scene and then at the other Trunks.

“You aren’t married?”

He curled a lip and cocked one brow. “I am.”

“To who?”

“Uh, Goten.  Duh.  Those are our kids.” At his bewildered stare, as if it would help, he added, “Bustle and Garter.”

The usage of “our” hit him strangely.

“What?”

“We wished for them on Shenron.”

At that, his mother rolled her eyes. “Can you believe it?”

He couldn’t.

“You wished yourself younger, don’t give me that.”

She reached out and pinched his cheek.  Still carrying the children, Goten made his way over to them.

“Hey, babe.” His eyes lit on Trunks and he raised his eyebrows.  _ “Two _ babes.  Must be my lucky day.”

The other Trunks rolled his eyes. “Behave, dork.”

Goten grinned and leaned down to kiss him.  He set down the kids and, immediately, they ran back to join the others.

“The future’s not in danger again, is it?” Goten asked, his voice suddenly sounding tight.

He shook his head. “Uh.  Just visiting.”

He visibly relaxed.  There was something about being near to him that was making Trunks feel decidedly  _ warm. _

“Well, then, it’s good to see you again.”

He smiled this sunshine smile and Trunks’s throat went dry.  Stranger still was that this wasn’t the first time he had felt this.  It was the way he had felt when he looked at Gohan, standing strong and sure and so powerful before him.  Maybe it was an effect of their family--this ability to instill awe without even trying.

Trunks worked his hands behind his back.  His mother seemed to notice this because she turned to his father and put a hand on his arm.

“Let’s get the kids before they swarm over Bra and Pan.”

“Why should I--?”

But he was already being dragged away, leaving Trunks alone with his counterpart and his counterpart’s husband.  Husband.  He hadn’t thought that his counterpart would be attracted to men, would be gay.  He thought there was a way to do things, what he was trying to do.

“Where’s Mai?”

“Mai?” He cocked his head to the side. “Oh, the Pilaf Gang took off...what is it?  Five years ago, maybe?”

Goten nodded. “Yeah.  Something about world domination.  No one’s too worried about it, though.”

“Which sucks,” the other Trunks continued. “Since we lost our one other friend our age.  Sorta.”

“Sort of?”

Goten nodded and put an arm around the other Trunks as if it were the most natural thing in the world.  Upon closer examination, he saw a matching ring on his left hand and the scars that were on his counterpart’s right side were mirrored on his left.

_ They even have paired scars? _

“Yeah, Mai’s, like, actually what?  Sixty-something?  They got turned into babies or some bullshit.  I dunno.”

He had had no idea.  Was the same true of his Mai?

“When did you get married?” he asked instead.

“Also five-ish years ago.” Goten paused. “The two things have nothing to do with each other.”

They laughed together and it filled Trunks with another emotion he couldn’t name.  It was something squirmy...not quite anxiety but something similar.

“Are you not gay?” the other Trunks asked him so abruptly, so matter-of-factly, that he felt nearly knocked over.

He stood, arms crossed and one eyebrow cocked.  Goten laughed and pulled him closer.

“You can’t just ask him that.”

“Sure I can.  It’s me, isn’t it?” He turned his head on its side.

He wanted to say he wasn’t.  He was with Mai, they were in love, weren’t they?  Their happily ever after in a peaceful world.  That was how it was meant to be, right?

“I guess…”

“I don’t know,” he said. “I’ve never thought about it.”

“Never thought about it?” his counterpart asked. “I’ve known since I was fourteen.”

“He isn’t  _ exactly _ you,” Goten pointed out, “and, besides, it’s never too late to realize stuff.  I didn’t know I was bi until I was nineteen, if you recall.”

Bi...maybe he was, too?  He had never thought about men before, had he?  Claustrophobia clenched his chest and the expansive grounds of Capsule Corps felt suddenly too small.

“Are you okay?” Goten asked and...that face.  Trunks could stare at it all day, but what did that mean?

He nodded, not sure what else to do.  He had come here for advice or, at least, for someone to lend a sympathetic ear, but now he was more confused than ever.

“Daddy!”

Bustle came running over, a put out pout on her face.

“What is it?” Trunks and Goten asked at the same time.

“Uncle Boxer is bein’ bossy!” She pointed an accusatory finger back towards the playing children. “He says he’s in charge ‘cause he’s my uncle but he’s only  _ one year _ older than me!”

Trunks rubbed his chin.

“No one likes tattle-talers, Bustle!” Boxer yelled back.

The other Trunks laughed and knelt down so he could press his forehead against his daughter’s.

“Just tell him to share.  Maybe you can trade off being leader, okay?”

“Maybe…” she didn’t sound convinced.

Trunks felt outside this, which he was, and the need to leave intensified.

“I should go,” he said. “I’ve been here too long anyway.”

Goten made a sad face and he nearly swallowed his tongue.  If he had existed in his timeline, he was certain that just that look would have made the androids change their ways and become upstanding citizens.

“Stay,” he said. “We haven’t even served lunch yet.”

He shook his head. “The Time Patrol will be mad at me.”

“You sure you can’t stay?” his counterpart stood, his hand on Bustle’s head. “I know I tease, but I actually like you.”

Trunks shook his head again.  The offer was tempting--and Goten was convincing--but he had to take time by himself.

“Tell mom good-bye for me.”

The other Trunks nodded.  Maybe he knew from his own stubbornness how hard it would be to get him to change his mind.

“Come visit again, not-daddy,” Bustle said.

He didn’t know what to say to that so he simply smiled.  He reached into his pocket for the time scroll and concentrated on his own time.

\--

It was still nighttime when he returned the scroll to the safe.  He hung up his coat and saw that he was still in the other Trunks’s clothes: designer jeans and a t-shirt made out of some impossibly soft cotton.  Something he would never wear himself.  He changed into another pair of pajamas even though he knew there was no way he was getting back to sleep and padded back into his bedroom.  Despite that, though, he kept his coat on.

“Where were you?” Mai sat up in the bed, concern etched on her face.

He needed time to sort himself out, to figure out what everything he just saw meant for him.  But he couldn’t simply take off in the middle of the night without telling her.

“Are you really in your sixties?” he asked.

Mai looked confused for a moment before saying, “No.”

“No?  The other you was.” He paused. “I went to visit my mother and the other me.  That’s where I was.”

“Why?”

“I’m.  I needed to talk to someone and I didn’t want to bother you.”

There was a pause and she looked at him for a moment before saying, “That wasn’t me.  That little girl in the past.  That was my mother.”

“Your mother?”

She nodded, tucking some hair behind her ear.

“She didn’t wish herself younger in our wor--our old world.  Instead, she and my other mother wished me into being with Shenron.”

That seemed all too familiar.

“Your other mother?”

She nodded.

“I have two mothers, didn’t you know?”

He shook his head.  Today was a day for revelations, it seemed.

“Oh...I swore I mentioned them…they died when the androids...” She stared down at her hands and then looked up. “What did you need to talk about?”

Trunks shook his head again.  He couldn’t put it into words, yet, even what drew him there in the first place.  The restlessness, the feeling that he was incomplete even in peace.  He didn’t know how that would make her feel, knowing that she wasn’t enough.

That didn’t even get into what he had to think about now.

“I need to just.  Think about things.” Trunks looked away. “I’ll be back later.”

Mai stared at him for a moment, her eyes inscrutable in the dark.  Quietly, she rose from the bed and put a hand to his cheek.

“Whatever it is, whatever you’re facing, you know I’ll always care about you, right?”

“I…”

“You’re my friend.”

Their eyes met and he felt like she said something more, something he was missing.  He almost wanted to stay and find out what it was but his thoughts were still too muddled.  He had to get away.

Trunks gave her hands a squeeze and flew out the window.

\--

There were wastelands here just as there had been wastelands back in his world and back in the past.  He knew his father would come out here and brood and he would sit with him, watching and waiting for him to say something.  Tiredly, Trunks slumped on a rock and rubbed his temples.

He loved Mai, but it wasn’t the kind of love he saw between the other him and Goten or between his mother and father.  He loved her like family, like a friend, and maybe that was why he couldn’t get his body to respond.  But did that mean he was gay?  Maybe he had no interest in anyone?  No…that wasn’t it, either.

Trunks closed his eyes.  He remembered Gohan.  How he had dreams about him, fighting alongside him, even long after he had died.  He had loved him fiercely, hadn’t he?  And Goten, when he saw him at the party.  He was gorgeous and his smile was nothing short of devastating.  Who else was there?  Tien...he was stoic but so handsome with the determined set of his jaw and the furrow of his brow.  He buried his face in his hands.  How had he not known?  Was it the constant struggle of a life spent at war?  He had had no time to collect himself and realize something so fundamental about himself?

Goten had said he was bi, but he didn’t think that was the case for him.  Trunks lifted his head, something suddenly occurring to him.

He flew from the wastelands back towards the city.  He didn’t head to their apartment but, instead, to where he knew the other Trunks lived.  He didn’t want to linger--there was finding answers and then there was just being a weird voyeur--but he dropped on the balcony of his apartment and peered through the glass of the sliding door.

There were two forms on the bed.  One he knew to be his own and the other...the other was a man.  He had seen enough.  Apparently every other Trunks there was out there was with the program but he was the slow learner.

He headed home, through the open window, where Mai waited for him.

“I didn’t think you’d be back before morning,” she said. “Did you figure it out?”

He stared at her for a long while before saying, “I’m gay.”

She rose from the bed and he didn’t know what he expected her to do.  Slap him, maybe, or accuse him of wasting her time.  Mai hugged him, fisting her hands in the fabric of his coat.

“I know,” she said. “I mean, I thought you might be.  It’s alright.”

“It is,” he said and he meant it.

They stood there for what felt like a long time in the darkness of their bedroom, just holding one another.

“We can still be together,” Mai said finally. “Not like that.  I meant living here.  We’re all we have in this universe.”

She was right and--he was glad.  When she said she was his friend, she was right.  His best friend, the best he had had since Gohan died.  He didn’t want to lose her.

“Yes.”

“I don’t think so.”

Startled, they leapt apart.  Trunks turned to see the Supreme Kai of Time glowering at him.  She looked about as intimidating as she possibly could, which really wasn’t intimidating in the grand scheme of things but it made Trunks uneasy anyway.

“Uh.  Hello.”

“Don’t you ‘hello’ me, Mr. Ruiner of Time!” she barked. “We let you in the Time Patrol to serve a purpose, not to use the timestream as a joyride!”

Trunks hung his head.  So she  _ had _ found out about his brief visit.

“Sorry.  Really.”

She sighed and tilted her face upwards.

“I guess it can’t be helped.” She shook her head. “Well, come on, then.”

Trunks glanced at Mai who shrugged back at him, equally confused.

“Come on where?”

The Supreme Kai of Time exhaled a frustrated sigh.

“To your punishment.  Three weeks of time duty ought to do it.  Say goodbye to your girlfriend.”

Mai let out a laugh that was more of a squeak and then covered her mouth in embarrassment.

“She’s not...it’s...I’m...okay, fine.” He turned to Mai and grimaced. “I’ll be back soon, I guess.”

She gave him one final squeeze and he was left to follow the Supreme Kai of Time back out the window.

“What’s time duty?”

“Monitoring history,” she informed him. “Real boring stuff.  You’ll have a partner, though.  Just pulled him out of a doomed timeline.”

Another survivor, then.  A pulse of warm energy overcame them and they were transported to what looked like a library.

“Here we are.”

Trunks trudged forward, feeling suddenly exhausted.  Coming to terms with himself and coming out had seemed to unlock something and maybe, just maybe, he could get  _ one _ good night’s sleep.

“We’ll have quarters for you, but I’ll let your partner show you them,” she chirped. “He should be here.  Ah--yeah!  There he is.”

Trunks saw a young man bent over one of the time scrolls.  Like him, he wore a black duster, though his was missing the fur collar.  He had black hair that was angled to one side as if he cut it himself.  At their entrance, he righted himself and...that face.  Trunks stared at him, unsure how to proceed.

“I got you a partner for a little while,” she announced. “This is Trunks.”

“We’ve met...er...I’ve met a different version of you, I guess.” He laughed, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand. “This timeline and universe junk is still new to me.”

Trunks nodded, not trusting his tongue.  Everything happened so fast, at once, he was certain that someone out there was playing a joke on him.

“Trunks.” The Supreme Kai of Time prodded him in the side. “Say hello to your partner.  This is Goten.”

**Author's Note:**

> http://vertigoats.tumblr.com


End file.
